Random Thoughts

And I will go where my heart leads me—or so I like to think. And live life on my terms… I like saying that. I’ve probably said these things too often and I’m not sure if I believe all of it. Too often I think it is spiraling out of control and I’m taking a nose dive into nowhere. After all, if you don’t dream it, you will never reach it. But the super confident and always-on-cloud-nine feeling can sometimes take a holiday.

Two months into the year and nothing much other than work is happening. I promised myself some quality time with “me.” Made even bigger promises that I would take up photography more seriously—hmmm! But the very thought of that comes too late in the day on my only day off for me to do anything about it. And a part of me is just lazy and only I can be blamed for that.

I remember the time I was walking down Fisherman’s Warf in SF just looking at half a dozen things that people were doing to make a living—spray painting, dancing, sketching and drawing, fire juggling, stand up comedians, musicians, hawkers (didn’t get to see the famed Bushman!). Maybe they all have other jobs and this was their time out.

I was awe struck by this spray painter. He had on a pair of goggles and was dressed in baggy pants and a T-shirt. Around him were a few dozen paint canisters some rags, pieces of paper, and a boom box. It was about 7 in the evening and he was working by a small lamp. He waited for a crowd to build, and once a small crowd had gathered, the artist was a picture of concentration. With some techno music playing in the background, he began working. His hands were flying across a board that was his canvas with precise strokes or half strokes, a smudge here and an extra coat of paint there. Occasionally he paused to swap cans or tear a piece of paper and hold it at an angle to form some shape or shade the image. And voila in fifteen minutes or less he was done. He brought to life the Golden Gate Bridge by night. There was the bridge in all its splendor basking in the moonlight and a silvery reflection of the moon in the bay and city lights. And to think he did it all with cans of spray paint; this guy was simply amazing. I had never seen anybody painting

That day and a few days later I remember thinking, why am I doing what I am doing when there are a zillion other ways to make a living.

I don’t think I can paint or be a photographer and make a living. I like the trappings of a comfortable office and the feeling that I am actually doing something productive during the day and sometimes nights on end. It’s all about being in that comfortable zone with whatever you are doing. But some time in the future, don’t know when, I want to do a street act and see how successful I am at it.